Teaching
Can I Teach? This question I have been reflecting on for 4 +
years. When I was nearing the end of my undergraduate studies in Literature and
Writing Studies with Cal State University San Marcos, I was close to finishing 8 years of college, and I was ready to be done. I was
happy there, but I knew it would end. I
did not know what job I would have next, but a college class mate asked me if, “Are
you going to teach?”
That was the first time some one asked that to me and
I was almost done with college.
In 2008, I was required to take an Edu 350/LTWR 465 course
when I was more or less burned out with the old stuff and ready to take on
something new that sort of built on the skills that I had confidence in within
the Literature and Writing Studies program.
The course felt like a tacked on weight that didn’t have anything to do
with the program itself.
No other classes introduced the thought that I could teach
one day. Edu 350/LTWR 465 did not produce training in me in an in class
environment. In order for me to teach,
at that point, I would need to be in that environment, be in a classroom.
No more sitting behind desks, taking notes, retaining
information to write papers.
The class did not provide the training.
I was familiar with put a W on the college transcript, come
speak the Professor in his or her office, to withdrawl from the course. I was
given the opportunity to change instructors, which I did. I reflect back not understanding why I
couldn’t articulate, I know this class is supposed to be about teaching, but
it doesn’t feel like it. I need to be
trusted with the work at this point in time. Writing a paper about
teaching theory doesn’t feel real, and I don’t think it is going to make me a
teacher. The second shot at the
course didn’t improve me in feeling like I was being trained to teach. I ended up withdrawing from the course.
Through the course of my college, I did not have enough
speaking opportunities that were having me go through a process that was
training me for teaching; however, here is a list of speaking opportunities
that I was in--,
College Freshman Creative Writing Class, 2003, Create at
Tag-line on the last movie you saw. Instructor saw I was done writing and selected me as one
of the Students to sit on a stool in front of the classroom to read it.
Bravura—Spring ’05
developed editing skills, wrote a play I was proud of, and good public
speaking experience in theatre/arts
Speech Class 100— Fall 2004 assignment to write and give 3
different speeches 10 minutes in length each.
I did it on a subject that I thought would be involved in my career
future, Parrots. I earned an A in the class.
-Shakespeare Studies Fall 2005,—a few small requirements
There were two more times, Study Abroad in Spain. La Profesora
did not assign me a day to give the presentation in Spanish. I didn’t know why,
and I felt left out. So, I spoke to my University Liaison, El
Profesor who came from our home base university, and he told me, to paraphrase,
that if I want to give a presentation, I can give a presentation. That the
instructor assumed I didn’t want to give one.
I was at that level and was being barred. When I am at this point, I
need to master these skills. So, I was proud I stood up for myself, and I did
the presentation.
And a graduate level creative writing course, our professor
brought in books she selected, that we had to choose one, read it, and give a
talk. They were avant garde in nature with a mix of poetry. The one I selected
was a mix of politics and poetry. We got
to keep the books. That’s a win for referencing and understanding. It felt like a talk.
Because there was such a time gap from months to over a year
for a speaking opportunity my confidence would ebb and flow, and it was not the
support structure for trusting some one to teach.
Study Abroad 2006 (Same as mentioned) Interacting with
people in in the world at large in Spain, learning a new language, I
unfortunately could not master speaking Spanish, but I understand the grammar
fairly well. And I can read it with understanding.
All Creative Writing Classes facilitated the teaching
process and by teaching process I mean giving us the skill set to teach because
we had to give feed back to our classmates work while getting the feed back we
needed in turn/as well.
Being a Parent Since 2013--This is more about speaking that
teaching, Communicating to other parents, not being allowed to play the arcade
at the dental office because it would take my focus from negotiating/taking in
information and communicating cost about my daughter’s care. Teaching, Being able to help her with math
strategies which I find that I am more skilled at than teaching early stage
reading skills called (decoding.) And I
think about why is this? Because throughout the course of school, math
strategies are taught from elementary through high school to college; whereas,
once you learn how to read, no one teaches you how to teach others to read. This
did not happen in high school or college. I got coached by her teachers until I
understood, and I was able to do it, but the enjoyment level was much less
compared to skill sets I mastered years ago.
What I was trained for in the Literature and Writing Studies
Program was taking in a lecture, Writing notes, doing papers, reading, Creative
Writing, analysis research, organization/executive functioning skills, Computer
mastery skills, deconstructing a text, understanding a Writer’s P.O.V, and
giving peer feedback (creative writing classes).
But the framework for doing a paper is not teaching.
The university also had a heavy emphasis on Volunteer Work
which I took part of in many projects, both in an on campus church, and through
another church campus between 2004-2007.
While most of the Volunteer work with the university church
volunteering in Priority Christian Challenge was between 2005-2007. But it was
not training me in my career on either fronts, and I became resentful because I
kept being sent the message that I was only good enough if I did one more
Volunteer job, but I was not good enough to be paid. Which
brings me back to the topic of Teaching, no ONE made me feel that I had a
support network that you are good enough to teach, I trust you to teach, and
that YOU are very significantly WORTH BEING PAID TO TEACH.
Tutoring is something I believe I could do because it is 1
on 1, and not the demands of a bunch of people at once. But how to get there? I don’t know.
So back to the classmate in my junior year of college who
asked me, "Are you going to teach?"
Okay, part of me didn’t want to talk to him, so that didn’t help, but if I was
going to gain something there, I needed to ask, WHAT IS TEACHING?
Because I did have the same Q, though framed in a different way during a creative
writing course during my Freshman year of college of How did you get here? But
so used to mind-numbing answers, I figured I would get, “I drove the bus/etc.”
And I would flip out just trying to get an answer because
were just Students, just kids etc.
Leah Zanzucchi-Marroquin owns the copyright of this essay/discussion/lecture.
