Guilt-Hang-Up, What I would amend in The News Article, “Writers help other writers in Oceanside Group”

I am journal writing about my guilt hang-up in relation to the _The Coast News_ Article “Writers help other Writers in Oceanside Group,” November 03.2017 by Patty McCormac

I am not seeking advice in this post. I am journaling in public share about the process.

I had a friend who helped me brainstorm the first chapter of the novel, _Peter Mouse_ back in 2010. However, he told me in a call that same year, “I lost interest in the project.” And “It is your work.” 

My feelings were conflicted at that because this was a time when I felt I should be going into business with people. Also, because my bachelor’s degree (writing) came to cumulation, I was without that network/community, and I felt isolated. It wasn’t me, seeking validation over it being my work, it was an emotional tug. However, I listened and took in his words.

The year after I gave birth, between 2014-2015, I got in touch with him about novel housekeeping, and I inquired if he wanted me to thank him by having his name on a thank you page when at publication. To paraphrase, he wrote back that he wanted to be put down as a contributor (writer). It was a complete P.O.V. Shift. However, I wrote down his name as the way he would want it, and I filed it away for safe keeping/reference.

I got to address the matter in 2021, when I sought legal advice. One of the biggest questions in my mind was how would payment break down because there was a total of 99, 100, or 101 pages at this time; however, he contributed 4 to 4 ½ pages in total. The difference 94.5/ 95.5 or 96.5 of pages, depending on what the total was, was done by me.

It was assessed if were under contract to one another. To be under contract with one another 1.00 exchange has to be made at the minimum. Since no monetary exchange was made, I was advised to highlight and edit what he wrote, and to do a revision to avoid Copyright issues.

 

 

Two points prior to I proceed,

The novel itself was expanded off a lyrical poem I wrote during college Spring Break at the San Marcos Library in 2003. I am not 100% sure of the original title; however, I submitted it in a Capstone Project for a 499C class/Independent Study with Professor Wallace in 2008, and the title I have down is “Young Peter Mouse”.  

The second point, this year, I met my deadline in writing a Transparency Letter to him.

In 2017, prior to the article was published, it was a spontaneous in-the-moment event, not a planned interview. It was a regular peer review session with the Writers’ Group with the Oceanside Public Library. Until the journalist introduced herself, I thought she was there for peer review. She introduced herself as a Stringer, and she was doing Free lance with _The Coast News_. She was doing an article on the Writers’ Group. Her name was Patty McCormac.

A situation like this with friend/anonymous Writer was never discussed between us, that is one of us being interviewed. Because of this, I did not think I could authorize to give his name to the press without consent, in conjunction with him not being present at the meeting to represent himself. So, looking at it now if I had the cogitative leap to go back and explain to the Journalist to put the name down I would have it put down to include there is was an anonymous contributor/Writer.

But one of the complications, I had not had the time, to figure out the matter of his contribution, and I viewed it as a private matter to be addressed not related to a news article.

Other nuanced factors included having fear of oversharing to the Journalist, or not sharing the right thing with some one I met for the first time.

The other nuanced factor was I believe during that meeting I shared 4 to 5 pages of Chapter 3 which was only my work.

I could not mentally get past is I figured he would have a hang-up if I put down anonymous contributor/Writer because he wanted credits to his name i.e., not wanting me to thank him on a thank you page, but wanting to be put down as Writer. Also, his words of, “I lost interest in the project.” (2010 phone call) played into how I responded.

Because if I felt it was okay for me to call him, and it was more solidified on his contribution, I would have called him.

In summary, as of April 2026, I met my deadline in sending him a professional transparency letter of needing to use a highlighter, edit, and revise to avoid Copyright Issues because we are not in contract with one another.

When I think about this now, the sense of having an equal contributor would mean more of a back-and-forth communication on continuing chapters as well as planned in-person meet ups to address issues. After the 2014 to 2015 exchange, he never offered to write any other chapters, and since he at one point had said, “I lost interest in the project.” ( 2010 phone call) It affected me emotionally in-terms of that gut feeling one has when one is present and involved. Enthusiasm in one’s work plays a key role in how one authentically views one as a co-worker or partner in business. So, when looking the contribution of work from mine to his, it wasn’t equal enough to be a partnership.

This is a guilt-hang up, but I am also writing it to show the authenticity of the work.

Comments and questions are welcome to this post, but no advice or fearmongering. 

May Take These Posts Down

   I have lost interest in having these two blogs up,

“Review of Crimson Roses”, Published Dec 5, 2012

                                                &

“What Books Have I Started Reading?”, Published Jan 1, 2023

I may take these posts down.

The photos were deactivated in a delayed manner due to a data transfer to a new e-mail account not because of a dis-interest; however, I am reviewing what to keep up while bringing back my photos.

My About Me Section

 

                 

This is my revised About Me for This Page to make paragraph breaks. The section that allows About Me does not show up as paragraph breaks and working with it to add 5 spaces where needed did not solve the problem. The way of writing an About Me is not helpful to the Writer. It has me copy and paste my text  into one horizonal row. This is not normal, so I am am Writing my Revised About Me here as a Blog Post.

My name is Leah Zanzucchi-Marroquin. I use Zanzucchi as my pen name on my works. However, I hyphenated it on my business card. The use is my jurisdiction. The reason why mention it, is I changed Admin Control of the account from myself to myself, and I am not sure yet if I can change Leah Z. to Leah Zanzucchi.

Okay, so, this is the one of the platforms that I plan to advertise my works for the sale of my science fiction novel when it makes publication. I continue to write blogs here, on literary topics in the mean-time.

I am at the ready for an agent stage. I am continuing to go through another page-by-page edit of the entire manuscript. I am also looking to network with those in the same field, Writers, Illustrators, and specifically Agents.

In reference to the weird seasonings of Linked-In, if you are a Wedding Officiant, or some who does Bit Coin, please understand, you are NOT in my field.

My education is B.A. in Literature and Writing Studies from Cal State San Marcos – Summer 2008

& Associates of Arts in Liberal Arts and Sciences from Palomar Community College-Spring 2005

 

The Rose Bush and The Song The Show Down

 Leah Zanzucchi-Marroquin                                                 

                                                             Preface

I am acknowledging this may be risky of me for posting to my literary blog instead of my film review/critique blog; however, I did not go about writing this thinking I was writing a film critique.  The organic set up was the enthusiasm for the sound I heard then treating like a research paper and or write to build ideas.  The nature of conveying ideas has a cross-over in writing form, analyzing film and books are very similar when writing. Case in point, one of my undergraduate classes was a film studies class.  I mean modes of writing are similar, and I am not happy placing in that blog in part because I am working on my platform here.

I took a substantial amount of time over a period of days researching in hopes that I would find the original musical score of “The Show Down,” by Allen Silvestri. I feel that it would make my blog complete in immersing myself in it and adding it to the study; however, after searching musical data-bases, and contacting two people as research points, I can state it is not in the public domain. The day where I made the sound connection below in relation to the film sequence, I believe is a flute. However, without deconstructing the Original Musical Score, I cannot get to the soy meat on the matter.  

Blog--, The Rose bush and The Song, “The Show Down” By Allen Silvestri

This morning 1.26.2023, I hear a sound outside. The wind-storm is blowing the Rose bush up against the house. The sound was reminiscent of a Song from __Back to The Future Part III._ After going through an Amazon Alexa Soundtrack to put title to name of song, it is “The Showdown” By Allen Silvestri.  I am going to extrapolate on the sound. First, it fascinates me because I don’t know what is making that sound. But it creates a feeling of fear-excitement.  It is done three times spaced apart; I want to write at different lengths.  And visually it makes me think of deserts, and a visual of a snake. The setting in _Back to the Future Part III_ is largely California desert setting.  

The sound is a type of whistle. I think it is awesome how the composer figured out how to use various and distinct whistles throughout this sound-track to make me feel a different set of emotions when I feel/hear them.

Now, the sound my rose bush was making wasn’t the same sound. It was an ominous rustle that complimented the song. On the other hand, I just heard it make 1 sound that sounded similar. 

There are 3 different scenes in the film that depict this song, “The Show Down.” 

First, being the scene where Marty prevents Doc from being shot in front of Clara at the Festival by throwing a pan tin.  It doesn’t play the whole song. It stops before the significant whistles.  They switch back to the party activities.  Which could be stated ironically because the song is an instrumental of Double Back by Allen Silvestri, Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill, and Frank Beard (Extended Version). I really pushed our Alexa device for questions to give me the answers on the names.  They are definitely making a statement with this song here to convey a switch back to a happy mood as they hold off on the foreboding sounds until later on in in the other sequences of the film. 

Here are two GIPHYs tied to that scene--,
The first link is in sequential order.  

https://giphy.com/gifs/BTTF-back-to-the-future-bttf-three-QPnlT0XGehE9iCZ3rh

https://giphy.com/gifs/BTTF-back-to-the-future-bttf-three-UzzrzazvgjvmcLXSbn  

Second time, when Marty is practicing with a gun with holster in white full body pjs while looking in a mirror. This scene continues the song with the whistles creating a feeling of foreboding.

Three, the final battle with Mad-dog Tannen Marty and Doc.  This part plays the song more or less in in full.  They create a feeling of suspense and or foreboding and progresses with the climax as Marty decides to fight or not to fight and Mad-dog Tannen shoots. 

Here is a GIPHY tied to this scene--, 

https://giphy.com/gifs/BTTF-back-to-the-future-bttf-three-n1zkpBBr7plzqNXPRH

It is almost like these whistles are needed for action sequence and the composer/film composer knows when to hold off on a sound.  Give me a moment, my mind is blown. 

So, there are clock chimes prior to Marty coming out of the building he is hiding in to notate the 8:00am hour.  There are no clock chimes in the sound-track version of this song, In the scene, there is a bass drum roll prior to the whistles.  The whistles play when Mad Dog has his hand prior to touching the gun, when they pace/walk and when Marty releases the Holster from his outfit dropping it to the ground.  

Unfortunately, all the GIPHYs I cross-referenced through matching with the film do not have an imbedded sound function. None of the _Back to The Future Part III_ GIPHY have an imbedded sound function with their scene/sequence.  So you would have to watch the film itself.  

An Additional note, as I was putting this write up together my other fascination with the song “The Hanging,” By Allen Silvestri was due to it having a riff very similar to the Campbells’s Soup commercials, so I get excited about Back to The Future when I hear that riff. I always comment on it when I hear the notes.   My prior drum instructor agreed with me when I brought this up.  My point being until I studied this, both songs, clearly for facts, I kept switch backing on if the song was “The Hanging,” and now I know why I was confused.  I had this point in here on the Campbell’s Soup riff in a BTTF song, but it was not in the same song connected to the Rose Bush up above which is what my text is about. 

I enjoyed putting together this Write-up: I hope you enjoyed reading it. 

Leah Zanzucchi-Marroquin owns the copyrights to this Write-up. 

GIPHY website owns the Gifs; however, they are in the public domain. 

  

I am discussing the Topic of Teaching

Note: I am not writing this to offend anyone who is a credentialed teacher. I am writing this from my experience. No one expects me to be a teacher, and at times, I have lost interest in the prospect, and this is my frame of reference.

I have since learned while exploring a technical path that people don’t HAVE to do every thing that you can choose a specialty and choose what you are comfortable with and what you are not, but understanding this is a cognitive leap and not easily understood at times.

Believe it or not, I have learned and understood this through day today life while managing plumbers coming to my house that one plumber may not be able to dig a trench job, he only cleans pipes, while another can do this job. The same goes for Vet Tech work, you can choose what animals you are not comfortable working with. And I am using the word he, here because I am writing from experience and so far, the plumbers were male. It is not the Universal he. 

Note added 7.12.2024.  

Can I Teach? This question I have been reflecting on for 4 + years. When I was nearing the end of my undergraduate studies in Literature and Writing Studies with Cal State University San Marcos, I was close to finishing 8 years of college, and I was ready to be done. I was happy there, but I knew it would end.  I did not know what job I would have next, but a college class mate asked me if, “Are you going to teach?”

That was the first time some one asked that to me and I was almost done with college. 

In 2008, I was required to take an Edu 350/LTWR 465 course when I was more or less burned out with the old stuff and ready to take on something new that sort of built on the skills that I had confidence in within the Literature and Writing Studies program.  The course felt like a tacked on weight that didn’t have anything to do with the program itself. 

No other classes introduced the thought that I could teach one day. Edu 350/LTWR 465 did not produce training in me in an in class environment.  In order for me to teach, at that point, I would need to be in that environment, be in a classroom. 

No more sitting behind desks, taking notes, retaining information to write papers. 

The class did not provide the training.

I was familiar with put a W on the college transcript, come speak the Professor in his or her office, to withdrawl from the course. I was given the opportunity to change instructors, which I did.  I reflect back not understanding why I couldn’t articulate, I know this class is supposed to be about teaching, but it doesn’t feel like it.  I need to be trusted with the work at this point in time. Writing a paper about teaching theory doesn’t feel real, and I don’t think it is going to make me a teacher.  The second shot at the course didn’t improve me in feeling like I was being trained to teach.  I ended up withdrawing from the course.  

Through the course of my college, I did not have enough speaking opportunities that were having me go through a process that was training me for teaching; however, here is a list of speaking opportunities that I was in--,

College Freshman Creative Writing Class, 2003, Create at Tag-line on the last movie you saw. Instructor saw I was done writing and selected me as one of the Students to sit on a stool in front of the classroom to read it. 

Bravura—Spring ’05  developed editing skills, wrote a play I was proud of, and good public speaking experience in theatre/arts 

Speech Class 100— Fall 2004 assignment to write and give 3 different speeches 10 minutes in length each.  I did it on a subject that I thought would be involved in my career future, Parrots. I earned an A in the class.   

-Shakespeare Studies Fall 2005,—a few small requirements

There were two more times, Study Abroad in Spain. La Profesora did not assign me a day to give the presentation in Spanish. I didn’t know why, and I felt left out.   So, I spoke to my University Liaison, El Profesor who came from our home base university, and he told me, to paraphrase, that if I want to give a presentation, I can give a presentation. That the instructor assumed I didn’t want to give one.  I was at that level and was being barred. When I am at this point, I need to master these skills. So, I was proud I stood up for myself, and I did the presentation.

And a graduate level creative writing course, our professor brought in books she selected, that we had to choose one, read it, and give a talk. They were avant garde in nature with a mix of poetry. The one I selected was a mix of politics and poetry.  We got to keep the books. That’s a win for referencing and understanding.  It felt like a talk.

Because there was such a time gap from months to over a year for a speaking opportunity my confidence would ebb and flow, and it was not the support structure for trusting some one to teach.

Study Abroad 2006 (Same as mentioned) Interacting with people in in the world at large in Spain, learning a new language, I unfortunately could not master speaking Spanish, but I understand the grammar fairly well. And I can read it with understanding.

All Creative Writing Classes facilitated the teaching process and by teaching process I mean giving us the skill set to teach because we had to give feed back to our classmates work while getting the feed back we needed in turn/as well. 

Being a Parent Since 2013--This is more about speaking that teaching, Communicating to other parents, not being allowed to play the arcade at the dental office because it would take my focus from negotiating/taking in information and communicating cost about my daughter’s care.  Teaching, Being able to help her with math strategies which I find that I am more skilled at than teaching early stage reading skills called (decoding.)  And I think about why is this? Because throughout the course of school, math strategies are taught from elementary through high school to college; whereas, once you learn how to read, no one teaches you how to teach others to read. This did not happen in high school or college. I got coached by her teachers until I understood, and I was able to do it, but the enjoyment level was much less compared to skill sets I mastered years ago.

What I was trained for in the Literature and Writing Studies Program was taking in a lecture, Writing notes, doing papers, reading, Creative Writing, analysis research, organization/executive functioning skills, Computer mastery skills, deconstructing a text, understanding a Writer’s P.O.V, and giving peer feedback (creative writing classes). 
But the framework for doing a paper is not teaching.

The university also had a heavy emphasis on Volunteer Work which I took part of in many projects, both in an on campus church, and through another church campus between 2004-2007.

While most of the Volunteer work with the university church volunteering in Priority Christian Challenge was between 2005-2007. But it was not training me in my career on either fronts, and I became resentful because I kept being sent the message that I was only good enough if I did one more Volunteer job, but I was not good enough to be paid.   Which brings me back to the topic of Teaching, no ONE made me feel that I had a support network that you are good enough to teach, I trust you to teach, and that YOU are very significantly WORTH BEING PAID TO TEACH. 

Tutoring is something I believe I could do because it is 1 on 1, and not the demands of a bunch of people at once.  But how to get there? I don’t know. 

So back to the classmate in my junior year of college who asked me, "Are you going to teach?"
Okay, part of me didn’t want to talk to him, so that didn’t help, but if I was going to gain something there, I needed to ask, WHAT IS TEACHING?

Because I did have the same Q,  though framed in a different way during a creative writing course during my Freshman year of college of How did you get here? But so used to mind-numbing answers, I figured I would get, “I drove the bus/etc.” 

And I would flip out just trying to get an answer because were just Students, just kids etc.

Leah Zanzucchi-Marroquin owns the copyright of this essay/discussion/lecture.

What Books Have I Started Reading?

_Eats, Shoots & Leaves_ by Lynne Truss is a research paper/essay type of book about the decline of grammar usage in Europe & the U.S. 

I am liking it. 

Reading Level, College Age

I could not take a good photo of _Eats, Shoots & Leaves_ because I am missing the jacket cover. 

_Wilders, Project Earth Book One_ by Brenda Cooper

It is a Sci-fi novel involving protected virtual realities and robot assistants. 
It gets really confusing to keep track of who is the robot talking versus the two sisters that are talking.  Right now, I am paused on reading this. 

 

 

This is a Post to Link to my Linked-in Profile under CSUSM

 

Cal State University San Marcos Cultural Festival, 4.16.2009, Leah + Israel

I could not get the the photo image to upload without cutting off his face or my face even when I resized it four times.  Therefore, I am attaching a link to the page in that way it will be posted to Linked-In like Nature intended.